She was walking by the port… Port Grant to be specific. Everyone around her seemed to love the place, their eyes filled with sparkle. They were happy to see their city being lit up again with lights, with people all around. She stood there staring blankly into the water; into the drowning sun. She did not belong here. Life had taken her to almost 5 cities since her childhood and around 8 different schools. She was never able to maintain a sustained friendship because she was never there for long. The moment the bonds turned strong; she was bound to leave!. This was the dreary part of her life; belonging to a broken family.
Every now and then she was moving; sometimes with her mother and the other times with her father. She somehow learned to lock her heart… learned not to indulge in friendships which would never last and break hearts in turn. She learned never to relate to a city since she never belonged to one. And today she stood here with people who loved this city like anything. She was amazed at their reactions, how a little incident in the city made their hearts pound. Why doesn’t it happen to me? Why am I never moved by anything anymore? She’d always question herself.
She was in a relationship now; a steady one with bonds and contracts but she did not know how to maintain one and how could she? The only bond she ever had was with running away; of escape.
She had lived a life where she did not meet her parents for ages and did not even want to. Her spouse was amazed how she did not seem to miss them. She was in turn amazed why he loved his folks so much? And did he actually love them or was it all fake? She knew she did not trust anyone and she also knew that she would not be able to develop the trust for another ten or twenty years or maybe never.
She knew that half of her life had passed in this race; that no place seemed familiar to her anymore. Nothing gave her good memories and she had lost the touch of even creating any memories. She just did not have the heart to tell this to her spouse. How could she tell him that I do not trust you? That I do not love your city? That I do not relate to it? The city about which he had more than a dozen stories to tell while she kept listening to him silently? What would she tell him? She did not relate to this city even after living there for more than 8 years.
He loved to tell her how mischievous he was as a child and how she longed to have had a childhood like his. How she always envied his wonderful childhood. How she envied his parents who still brought gifts for him even though he was above 30 now; how they still celebrated his birthday. This made her all more miserable and more guilty that she envied none else than her own husband? But this seemed to be the reality. When he would tell her stories of his childhood filled with fun and thrill all she could see in her mind would be the long lonely cold nights; night when her parents would fight and turn away; nights when she was all alone crying over the misery her parents brought to her. And though now she had a better life but why did she not relate to it? Why did she still relate to the lost childhood?
He loved to take pictures and upload on the Facebook but this did not matter to her. He loved to create memories while to her memories gave pain and nothing more. How hard he used to try to break her glass but the harder her glass turned. She liked it that way because getting close meant getting hurt.
How she longed to tell her parents just once how much she loathed them … how much she hated them for not being there when they should have. How she despised them for giving her all the miseries other people did not relate to.
If only they could ever understand how one wrong decision completely changed her personality? How she hated to relate to anything in life. How she hated to be weak ever in front of any one.
But she knew she would never tell them. She knew she would never tell this to anyone around her as this was her deep dark secret; a secret to be kept hidden till the death.
And just at this she turned her gaze around. Winds blowing through her hair and the sun going down. She was snapped from her thoughts with the call for popcorns and she turned around to her husband with a smile on her lips. She looked around the glitz and glitter around her… it was a nice place indeed; but just a PLACE like any other one.